Watch Melania’s Speech Deciphered: “Your choice is between me and that UNWRAPPED MUMMY BILL CLINTON”

So, Melania Trump used two paragraphs worth of the exact same combinations of words as a Michelle Obama speech. Is that really something the whole world should be freaking out about?

Before we blow this into a major scandal and start bloviating about how un-first ladyish this is and drone on about how much damage this will do to the Trump campaign, let’s bear in mind this is a candidate’s wife’s speech. Every spouse who’s husband has ever run for political office has been operating off the same template since Martha Washington. Whether the husband is running for president, governor, congress or your local comptroller, it’s the same things. It’s like Candidate Wives’ Mad Lib. “Values work family integrity dignity respect.” Just a run-on sentence of buzz words to let the world know you’ll stand by your man, even when he’s reaching shoulder-deep into the public’s money and boinking his interns on his taxpayer-funded desk.

Did Melania’s speechwriters rip off Michelle’s speechwriters? Probably. Just like Michelle’s in all likelihood lifted her speech from the millions of other wives who came before her. And, judging by the speech, a million more valedictorians, commencement speakers and beauty queens in the Q&A portion of their pageants. I’m 90 percent convinced I heard the same words on the last season of “Toddlers & Tiaras,” so let’s pump the brakes on making this a major controversy.

The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter what Melania says. Regardless of the words that come out of her mouth, the message she’s projecting is “I am insanely hot. I have the body of a game show hostess and the accent of a Bond girl and will represent America as the sexiest first lady in the nation’s history. Your choice is between me, or putting that unwrapped mummy Bill Clinton back in the White House to run wild for another four years.”

If she’d just stuck with that, this election would be over.


Watch Melania’s Speech Deciphered: “Your choice is between me and that UNWRAPPED MUMMY BILL CLINTON”
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